6 Steps to a Sober Day

During this time of year many of us find ourselves at festival type functions to celebrate the holidays.  Most of these celebration have us enjoying a few alcoholic beverages.  After a few drinks and 20 minutes at this function, you realize that you would like to leave but your Aunt has not stopped talking about her new hobby of using her cricut to make crap for your family.  So you have another drink, and another, just to keep your sanity during magical time of year.   Now, how you get home is part of different diatribe, but hopefully you were responsible and had someone (that is sober) drive you home, like a taxi, or a sober parent, or your 16 year old daughter on her learners permit, or perhaps maybe, just maybe, you lived close enough you could walk.
Here is the crux of our holiday situation, you are having guests over the next day for brunch, or you have to drive 3 hours to see grandma, or maybe you have to be at a religious service at 8am.  How are you going to be sober and not hungover to participate in the following days activities??  The answer to that my friends is, my 6 Steps to a Sober Day.
These steps are not to be followed to the letter, nor do they need to be followed in the order presented.  But they all need to be completed to have a sober day and give yourself a fighting chance at finishing this holiday season with consuming as much booze as possible to continue blocking out how crazy your family really is.   You will have plenty of time during the year to think back and remember that your family was not that bad, until you come home for Thanksgiving and relive it all over again.

The 6 Steps are below
1  Water -- Stay hydrated.  Water is the key to any hangover cure.  Since your drink of choice is a natural dehydrator, you have to replenish the blood stream to keep you from getting a headache.  My professional advice is to drink a full glass of water before you go to bed and then continue to sip water all morning.  I also recommend you put a glass of water next to your bed to assist with step 2.

2  Advil -- this one is really not negotiable, you really need to take some advil.  The best way is when you wake up in the middle of the night to pee (we all do it after we drink to much, around 3 or 4 am you get up and have to pee) take the advil, then go pass out again.  When your alarm goes off and you reach for the snooze button you will realize that the advil had a chance to work.  Most people take the advil in the morning when they are already awake and they already have a headache, my early morning advil is a preemptive strike against the inevitable.  

3  Shower --showering is a beautiful thing, and we all now it.  The hot steam in your pores and heat make us all feel more alive.  Plus, showering might wash off the throw up that is stuck in your hair. 
4  Take a Shit -- Most of the time drinking too much beer will give you what scientist refer to as the beer shits.  Grab a newspaper or a magazine and have a seat on the porcelain throne.  You can't rush this process, let it happen, relax.  You will feel much better when you have completed it all.
5  Food --All that alcohol has been swashing around in your belly all night working to get into you blood stream by the morning it needs some help, have some breakfast.  Normally, a greasy breakfast sandwich from BK or McD is the best, they are loaded with grease, you get your major food groups in (egg group, bread group, breakfast meat group, cheese group, and potato group), and they are pretty convenient, the last thing you want to be doing at 8am after finishing off a 5th of Crown is cracking eggs and wielding a knife to cut your bagel. 
6    Coffee -- This is the cherry on top of your morning that will push you to the next level.  To quote Superbowl Champion and Hall of Fame coach, Mike Ditka; "Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions."  You will never get your day rolling or finished for that matter without getting some caffeine in your system.  Now, I will let you make the decision as to what type of drink you choose to inject yourself with this drug.  I am flexible, feel free to use a latte, or frozen type drink, perhaps you like Redbull or Monster, but for the old fashion traditional types will be having black coffee.

I provide you this insight as a service to all those that have failed year after year.  I find myself to be a self proclaimed professional and my mistakes of trial and error are you gain.  I hope you do not have to go through all the painful mornings and subsequent afternoons of headaches and people sounding really loud.  I urge you to share these steps with your friends, share your new knowledge, let them see the light (in a good way).

Cheers to you all, have  happy holiday and remember
"Beer before liquor, never been sicker"   
(These little rhymes are mostly wrong; I have proven and dis proven this a number of times).

Unoffical Cyber Monday

Here we go; so the news this morning was talking about how today is
"Unofficially Cyber Monday." Which for those of you who have been living in a cave for the last decade is when everyone is suppose to go out and buy stuff on line.
My beef with this is very simple...if every Media outlet keeps calling it Cyber Monday, then it is more or less official. How do you go about making something official? Is Black Friday official? What paper work do you fill out to make it official? Cyber Monday has been used for at least 5 years if not 10 or 12. Lets make it official. Write you congressman/woman to make Cyber Monday an official day of the calender. When you write them to tell them that ol' balddave sent you.

the switch to all digital TV=Shananigans!!

So this switch to all digital nonsense is really got me pissed off.
The cable, dish, and other TV providers have decided that they want to make sure they get their money from everybody so they are no longer making TV free for those with rabbit ears. It is a joke, many people around this county cannot or do not want to pay for cable, so they get their 4 channels for free so they can be thrifty and now the gov't won't let them, b/c the big corporations have convinced congress and the greedy ol' fuckers on the hill that every should have to pay for TV. And the "coupons" they are offering are not for free service, you still have to buy or rent the box and the coupons is only worth $40 and you can only request 2, then you have to pay for the rest after that. It is despicable that these business have the gov't in their back pocket the poor people of this country are the ones that have to suffer.

Soon we will have to pay for radio, remember when radio was free. We will be able to tell our kids, "I remember when TV and radio for free."
I call Shananigans and corruption on the US gov't.

Bail Out?? How about this idea

I was forwarded this e mail from a friend, and i really like the idea, it will never work but i love it.
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If we have this kind of Tax Money to throw at the AIG bailout why don't we do something useful with it like Birk says below. Finally something worth
passing around via EM. Maybe we all need to pass this to our
congressmen/Senators.

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The Birk Economic Recovery Plan

Hi Pals,

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in
favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a 'We Deserve It Dividend'.
To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bon-a-fide U.S.
Citizens 18+.Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman
and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals
$425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a 'We Deserve
It Dividend'. Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate
of 30%.
Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends
$25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult
18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00. What would
you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

* Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.

* Repay college loans - what a great boost to
new grads

* Put away money for college - it'll be there

* Save in a bank - create money to loan to
entrepreneurs.

* Buy a new car - create jobs

* Invest in the market - capital drives growth

* Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves

* Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks
who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting
back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of
trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( 'vote buy' ) economic incentive that is being
proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we're going to do an
$85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG:
Liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here's my rationale:
We deserve it and AIG doesn't.
Sure it's a crazy idea that can 'never work', but can you imagine
the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!
How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion 'We
Deserve It Dividend' more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC .
And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because
$25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

George Washington

I was going through some old youtube funny shit and forgot how funny this was, so i thought i would share it with you.

my new favorite commercial

Standing up 2 Cancer

Okay, so i am all for curing diseases, i am. I think that if we can cure a disease then lets go for it. So this new campaign between NBC, CBS, and ABC to make cancer on the for front of thought is cool. I like the idea of creating an awareness and raising money for it. Check out www.standup2cancer.org for more details and info about it.

BUT......In true Balddave Ramblings there is always a BUT....

Instead of looking at how to cure cancer, why are we not ALSO looking at how we get Cancer. How about looking at the source and solving that problem. One of the partners in this new campaign is Stonyfield Farm Organic. Here is a quote from their blurb on the standup website:

"Some years ago, the U.S. EPA found the drinking water of more than fourteen million Americans contaminated with five different agricultural chemicals known to cause nine different types of cancer. Another study found, in the urine of children on conventional diets, mean pesticide concentrations six times higher than concentrations found in the urine of children on organic diets. Findings like these are the reasons Stonyfield Farm believes all foods should be organic."

I totally agree. If our society stopped with all the preservatives and chemicals that make our strawberries so red, and keep out lettuce from expiring till next month, and enhance the flavors of our ice cream, and juice up our meat so they grow faster; we would all be in better shape with less health problems and less cancer.
The wife and i have switched to a mostly organic diet a few years ago, and i feel great. And No; it does not mean that i eat only tofu and broccoli. Almost everything you eat or drink, has an organic alternative; steak, chicken, root beer, rice, vegetables, fruit, spices, wine, beer, bread, milk (which actually lasts longer then conventional milk),chips, salsa, pasta, sauce, and pretty much everything else you have in your fridge and pantry.

Take a look at the amount of pesticides and chemicals you are putting into you body, or more importantly into you children's bodies.
I am not trying to be holier than you but i am just saying, take a look.

Agree? Disagree? i would love to hear your thoughts.