You have to love the holiday's, the cold air; the excitement of little children as they anticipate the coming of a large jolly man in a red suit to bring them toys even if they know they have been nothing but bad all year; the mall streaming with shoppers busily looking for gifts that will have no meaning to the person they are giving it too as long as they give them something; the traffic as it builds up and seems to stand still at every light around all the major traffic patterns even though most people have taken xmas eve off work; the way that you are forced to go to family functions and pretend to enjoy people, even though you know full well you would strangle them all in their sleep if you had the chance; the excuse you have to drink more beer/whiskey/rum/wine/gin/etc.. then normal because "Hey, it is the holiday's, and it is a time to celebrate," God bless the time to celebrate; the sad lonely looking gray clouds as cover the sky as if to say "Losers, no snow for you;" the heart warming stories of homeless people getting a good meal from good Samaritans who feel better when they help feed the homeless when in reality if they got to know them and found them a job or a help them on to their feet they would probably do quite well; the football season coming to a close, trying to figure out how your team can still get it on a wild card pick; the trash that fills your trash cans, the wrapping paper, the bows, the boxes, and the leftover turkey or ham, what a waste and a great way to fill our landfills (as if they do not need any more crap in them); the wonderfully funny but unfortunately, for your sake incriminating, pictures that turn up days later on someone's facebook page (how did those get there?); the feeling of eating too much and saying, "You know, I think I will quit smoking and join a gym for the new year." Sure, don't kid yourself, if you were going to join a gym you would have gotten off your ass and joined yesterday, you only say these things to make yourself feel better about having your third helping of ham and a 4th piece of that rum cake ala-mode.
mmmm the holiday's... days off work, sleeping in only to wake with a pounding headache from too much rum/cake, the sound of the same Christmas carol in every level of your house only to realize that it is on in your car while you drive away cursing; the wonderful excuse to purchase yourself that super-cool gadget you wanted, why, because it is up for super duper sale of the century during that 16 1/2 hour sale at Super Sale-Mart; the smiling faces that make this country everything that it is, everyone is so happy and willing to help you get into your car (only to take your parking space) or help you dig your car out of the snow and let you in during the traffic back up, just thinking about those smiling faces makes me smile and feel good about our society.
The Holidays are time to reflect and realize that while you have to go back to work soon, your congressman and senators have off till the end of January, almost like your college students. There is something special about the holiday season that just make me feel good to be an American and living in a great state of commerce and happy loving people in this country.
Too my three readers of this blog; Happy Holiday's, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Endings, Happy something or other, and have a great New Year and good luck with your resolutions.
Here's to the Holiday's. Cheers!!!
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Monday, December 13, 2010
Thursday, December 24, 2009
6 Steps to a Sober Day
During this time of year many of us find ourselves at festival type functions to celebrate the holidays. Most of these celebration have us enjoying a few alcoholic beverages. After a few drinks and 20 minutes at this function, you realize that you would like to leave but your Aunt has not stopped talking about her new hobby of using her cricut to make crap for your family. So you have another drink, and another, just to keep your sanity during magical time of year. Now, how you get home is part of different diatribe, but hopefully you were responsible and had someone (that is sober) drive you home, like a taxi, or a sober parent, or your 16 year old daughter on her learners permit, or perhaps maybe, just maybe, you lived close enough you could walk.
Here is the crux of our holiday situation, you are having guests over the next day for brunch, or you have to drive 3 hours to see grandma, or maybe you have to be at a religious service at 8am. How are you going to be sober and not hungover to participate in the following days activities?? The answer to that my friends is, my 6 Steps to a Sober Day.
These steps are not to be followed to the letter, nor do they need to be followed in the order presented. But they all need to be completed to have a sober day and give yourself a fighting chance at finishing this holiday season with consuming as much booze as possible to continue blocking out how crazy your family really is. You will have plenty of time during the year to think back and remember that your family was not that bad, until you come home for Thanksgiving and relive it all over again.
The 6 Steps are below
1 Water -- Stay hydrated. Water is the key to any hangover cure. Since your drink of choice is a natural dehydrator, you have to replenish the blood stream to keep you from getting a headache. My professional advice is to drink a full glass of water before you go to bed and then continue to sip water all morning. I also recommend you put a glass of water next to your bed to assist with step 2.
2 Advil -- this one is really not negotiable, you really need to take some advil. The best way is when you wake up in the middle of the night to pee (we all do it after we drink to much, around 3 or 4 am you get up and have to pee) take the advil, then go pass out again. When your alarm goes off and you reach for the snooze button you will realize that the advil had a chance to work. Most people take the advil in the morning when they are already awake and they already have a headache, my early morning advil is a preemptive strike against the inevitable.
3 Shower --showering is a beautiful thing, and we all now it. The hot steam in your pores and heat make us all feel more alive. Plus, showering might wash off the throw up that is stuck in your hair.
4 Take a Shit -- Most of the time drinking too much beer will give you what scientist refer to as the beer shits. Grab a newspaper or a magazine and have a seat on the porcelain throne. You can't rush this process, let it happen, relax. You will feel much better when you have completed it all.
5 Food --All that alcohol has been swashing around in your belly all night working to get into you blood stream by the morning it needs some help, have some breakfast. Normally, a greasy breakfast sandwich from BK or McD is the best, they are loaded with grease, you get your major food groups in (egg group, bread group, breakfast meat group, cheese group, and potato group), and they are pretty convenient, the last thing you want to be doing at 8am after finishing off a 5th of Crown is cracking eggs and wielding a knife to cut your bagel.
6 Coffee -- This is the cherry on top of your morning that will push you to the next level. To quote Superbowl Champion and Hall of Fame coach, Mike Ditka; "Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions." You will never get your day rolling or finished for that matter without getting some caffeine in your system. Now, I will let you make the decision as to what type of drink you choose to inject yourself with this drug. I am flexible, feel free to use a latte, or frozen type drink, perhaps you like Redbull or Monster, but for the old fashion traditional types will be having black coffee.
I provide you this insight as a service to all those that have failed year after year. I find myself to be a self proclaimed professional and my mistakes of trial and error are you gain. I hope you do not have to go through all the painful mornings and subsequent afternoons of headaches and people sounding really loud. I urge you to share these steps with your friends, share your new knowledge, let them see the light (in a good way).
Cheers to you all, have happy holiday and remember
"Beer before liquor, never been sicker"
(These little rhymes are mostly wrong; I have proven and dis proven this a number of times).
Here is the crux of our holiday situation, you are having guests over the next day for brunch, or you have to drive 3 hours to see grandma, or maybe you have to be at a religious service at 8am. How are you going to be sober and not hungover to participate in the following days activities?? The answer to that my friends is, my 6 Steps to a Sober Day.
These steps are not to be followed to the letter, nor do they need to be followed in the order presented. But they all need to be completed to have a sober day and give yourself a fighting chance at finishing this holiday season with consuming as much booze as possible to continue blocking out how crazy your family really is. You will have plenty of time during the year to think back and remember that your family was not that bad, until you come home for Thanksgiving and relive it all over again.
The 6 Steps are below
1 Water -- Stay hydrated. Water is the key to any hangover cure. Since your drink of choice is a natural dehydrator, you have to replenish the blood stream to keep you from getting a headache. My professional advice is to drink a full glass of water before you go to bed and then continue to sip water all morning. I also recommend you put a glass of water next to your bed to assist with step 2.
2 Advil -- this one is really not negotiable, you really need to take some advil. The best way is when you wake up in the middle of the night to pee (we all do it after we drink to much, around 3 or 4 am you get up and have to pee) take the advil, then go pass out again. When your alarm goes off and you reach for the snooze button you will realize that the advil had a chance to work. Most people take the advil in the morning when they are already awake and they already have a headache, my early morning advil is a preemptive strike against the inevitable.
3 Shower --showering is a beautiful thing, and we all now it. The hot steam in your pores and heat make us all feel more alive. Plus, showering might wash off the throw up that is stuck in your hair.
4 Take a Shit -- Most of the time drinking too much beer will give you what scientist refer to as the beer shits. Grab a newspaper or a magazine and have a seat on the porcelain throne. You can't rush this process, let it happen, relax. You will feel much better when you have completed it all.
5 Food --All that alcohol has been swashing around in your belly all night working to get into you blood stream by the morning it needs some help, have some breakfast. Normally, a greasy breakfast sandwich from BK or McD is the best, they are loaded with grease, you get your major food groups in (egg group, bread group, breakfast meat group, cheese group, and potato group), and they are pretty convenient, the last thing you want to be doing at 8am after finishing off a 5th of Crown is cracking eggs and wielding a knife to cut your bagel.
6 Coffee -- This is the cherry on top of your morning that will push you to the next level. To quote Superbowl Champion and Hall of Fame coach, Mike Ditka; "Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions." You will never get your day rolling or finished for that matter without getting some caffeine in your system. Now, I will let you make the decision as to what type of drink you choose to inject yourself with this drug. I am flexible, feel free to use a latte, or frozen type drink, perhaps you like Redbull or Monster, but for the old fashion traditional types will be having black coffee.
I provide you this insight as a service to all those that have failed year after year. I find myself to be a self proclaimed professional and my mistakes of trial and error are you gain. I hope you do not have to go through all the painful mornings and subsequent afternoons of headaches and people sounding really loud. I urge you to share these steps with your friends, share your new knowledge, let them see the light (in a good way).
Cheers to you all, have happy holiday and remember
"Beer before liquor, never been sicker"
(These little rhymes are mostly wrong; I have proven and dis proven this a number of times).
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas
as the Christmas day comes to a close, it was not without exciting incidents of frustration and family bitterness.
Gotta love the holidays.
bring on the New Year.
Gotta love the holidays.
bring on the New Year.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Ahh, the Holiday's....
You have to love the holiday's, the cold air; the excitement of little children as they anticipate the coming of a large jolly man in a red suit to bring them toys even if they know they have been nothing but bad; the mall streaming with shoppers busily looking for gifts that will have no meaning to the person they are giving it too as long as they give them something; the traffic as it builds up and seems to stand still at every light around all the major traffic patterns even though most people have taken xmas eve off work; the way that you are force to go to family functions and pretend to enjoy people, even though you know full well you would strangle them all in their sleep if you had the chance; the excuse you have to drink more beer/whiskey/rum/wine/gin/etc.. then normal because "Hey, it is the holiday's, and it is a time to celebrate," God bless the time to celebrate; the sad lonely looking gray clouds as cover the sky as if to say "Losers, no snow for you;" the heart warming stories of homeless people getting a good meal from good Samaritans who feel better when they help feed the homeless when in reality if they got to know them and found them a job or a help them on to their feet they would probably do quite well; the football season coming to a close, trying to figure out how your team can still get it on a wild card pick; the trash that fills your trash cans, the wrapping paper, the bows, the boxes, and the leftover turkey or ham, what a waste and a great way to fill our landfills (as if they do not need any more crap in them); the wonderfully funny but unfortunately, for your sake incriminating, pictures that turn up days later on your cell phone (how did those get there?); the feeling of eating too much and saying, "You know, i think i will quit smoking and join a gym for the new year." Sure, don't kid yourself, if you were going to join a gym you would have gotten off your ass and joined yesterday, you only say these things to make yourself feel better about having your third helping of ham and a 4th piece of that rum cake a la mode.
mmmm the holiday's... days off work, sleeping in only to wake with a pounding headache from too much rum/cake, the sound of the same Christmas carol in every story you go into only to realize that it is on in your car when you drive way cursing; the wonderful excuse to purchase yourself that super-cool gadget you wanted why, because it is up for super duper sale of the century during that 16 1/2 hour sale at Wal-Mart; the smiling faces that make this country everything that it is, everyone is so happy and willing to help you get your car out of the snow and let you in during the traffic back up, just thinking about those smiling faces makes me smile and feel good about our society.
The Holidays are time to reflect and realize that while you have to go back to work soon, your congressman and senators have off till the end of January, almost like your college students. There is something special about the holiday season that just make me feel good to be an American and living in a great state of commerce and happy loving people in this country.
Too my one reader of this blog; Happy Holiday's, Merry Christmas, Happy something or other, and have a great new year and good luck with your resolutions.
Cheers (bottoms up).
mmmm the holiday's... days off work, sleeping in only to wake with a pounding headache from too much rum/cake, the sound of the same Christmas carol in every story you go into only to realize that it is on in your car when you drive way cursing; the wonderful excuse to purchase yourself that super-cool gadget you wanted why, because it is up for super duper sale of the century during that 16 1/2 hour sale at Wal-Mart; the smiling faces that make this country everything that it is, everyone is so happy and willing to help you get your car out of the snow and let you in during the traffic back up, just thinking about those smiling faces makes me smile and feel good about our society.
The Holidays are time to reflect and realize that while you have to go back to work soon, your congressman and senators have off till the end of January, almost like your college students. There is something special about the holiday season that just make me feel good to be an American and living in a great state of commerce and happy loving people in this country.
Too my one reader of this blog; Happy Holiday's, Merry Christmas, Happy something or other, and have a great new year and good luck with your resolutions.
Cheers (bottoms up).
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