Spike Your Coffee Friday

For the last few months on my Twitter I have been pushing #spikeurcoffeefriday.  It is not an attempt to show my true alcoholism, but a way to share my passion for something I hold near and dear to my heart, booze in the morning.

I challenge you find me a better time to spike your coffee.  In the afternoon, when you hit your 2pm slump, just won't do it because you need to finish you job with some semblance of coherence.  Late at night you really just need to start drinking the hard stuff and stop pussy-footing around with coffee.  First thing in the morning is best, you were already planning on having coffee anyway.  You are killing 2 birds with one drink.  Just add a little bit to your morning coffee and you are straight for the rest of the day.

Does this make me a bad person?  Absolutely not.  This makes me a person that understands my convictions and is driven make sure I have awesome-ist day possible.  Do I believe that I should be spiking my coffee while driving?  Absolutely not!!  You should never drink and drive.  You need to wait till you are in the parking lot of your employer, where you will then spike your coffee and walk into work as if everything in your life is hunky dory, which it is because you have just spiked your coffee.

I urge you all to take a moment and spike your coffee on a Friday.  Feel the liberation that comes with starting your happy hour 8 hours early, taste how good sitting through that TPS report meeting can really be, open your senses to what coffee can really smell like, and have that secretive "F-you" to your boss hidden inside your travel mug.  Then once you have felt the liberation, tasted the goodness, and smelled the love; tweet about it so I can get some credit for inventing #spikeurcoffeefriday.

Recipes: (these are some of my personal favorites, if you call them something different- I don't want to hear about it)

Irish Coffee - 1 cup coffee, 1oz Bailey Irish Cream, 1oz Irish Whiskey (I prefer Jameson)

43 Coffee - 1 cup coffee, 1oz Bailey Irish Cream, 1oz Licor 43

Italian Coffee - 1 cup coffee, 2oz Amaretto (get the DiSaronno)

Nutty Irishman - 1 cup coffee, 1oz Baileys Irish Cream, 1oz Frangelico

Hot Tub Heaven - 1 cup coffee, 1oz Peppermint Schnapps, 1oz Amaretto, 1oz Baileys Irish Cream

This is just a few of the easiest to make without much trouble from your boss, but there are plenty more available for research over at www.webtender.com

Valentine's Day edition

February 14th, Valentine's Day; a day that lives in infamy for so many men, and single people (but that will be a different posting).  I, being a married man, still do not have this holiday on lock-down.  I struggle every year with what to do, what to get, what to say, and when to give it.  (okay maybe not when to give it but...).

There are so many classic options for Valentines Day; expensive dinner out, dozen roses delivered to her work/home, giving a gift of jewelery, or you could make her an heart felt dinner at home (but you loose points if you make frozen pizza).  But what about those guys that we see that have really cool ideas and pull them off; what separates those guys from the average guy?  Those are the guys that take a Vday weekend in Napa, NYC, or Paris; or they hire a private chef and sommelier to come to their home and make dinner; or they acquire the Hope Diamond for the evening; or they rent out an entire jazz club for the night so he and his lady friend can slow dance the night way.  Wow, those are some romantic ideas; but why can't I pull those off?  Oh, right, I am not on a TV show, nor do I make 6 figures a month.  We, the average guy, have lots of good ideas, we just need to capitalize on them and unite to share our wealth of ideas.

Which leads me to the heart of Valentines Day (do you like that, do you see what I did there?).  Making a romantic memory for your signifacnt other without breaking the bank (or credit card).  So here a few ideas I am working on that will not cost you a second (or third) mortgage.

• Try something you have never done before; rock climbing, a cooking class, a wine tasting, go-kart racing, zip-lining, brewery tour, visit a free museum, sample all 31 flavors then leave, scrap booking, or let her spank you this time.
• Stop by her favorite coffee shop and deliver her a drink to her job
• It is a bit cheesy but Champagne and Strawberries is still a pretty good idea and not that expensive. This can work especially if you have kids and you cannot unload them for Vday night, after you put them to bed enjoy some Grey's Anatomy and some Champagne
• Try Edible Arrangements, they are not too expensive (if you get the small cheap one), but really tasty and look really pretty
• Take an evening stroll (assuming you live in warmer climate) along the beach, or park, or city street, and have no real place to go; just stroll and talk 
• Play the lottery; it could turn out be the best Valentines Day ever
• Clean your house for your wife before she gets home (this is all without her having to ask you)
• Simply write a love letter that tells how you feel, sometimes it is better to write it down then saying it.
• This is not an idea but an aside; I am against the coupon book for your lover.  That is something that is overdone and fairly cheesy.  I remember doing that as a kid when I did not have a gift for mothers day.  I say the coupon book, while it is inexpensive, is still lame.

I do not believe my ideas are the best, I will be the first to admit (and my wife will agree) that I suck at gift giving (from Vday to Bday and Anniversaries).  But I am only trying to start a conversation so we all can unite and share our ideas to conquer this made up holiday, until next year. 
Good luck my fellow men, and feel free to comment your own ideas or after Vday, comment what worked and what didn't.

Holiday Toast....

You have to love the holiday's, the cold air; the excitement of little children as they anticipate the coming of a large jolly man in a red suit to bring them toys even if they know they have been nothing but bad all year; the mall streaming with shoppers busily looking for gifts that will have no meaning to the person they are giving it too as long as they give them something; the traffic as it builds up and seems to stand still at every light around all the major traffic patterns even though most people have taken xmas eve off work; the way that you are forced to go to family functions and pretend to enjoy people, even though you know full well you would strangle them all in their sleep if you had the chance; the excuse you have to drink more beer/whiskey/rum/wine/gin/etc.. then normal because "Hey, it is the holiday's, and it is a time to celebrate," God bless the time to celebrate; the sad lonely looking gray clouds as cover the sky as if to say "Losers, no snow for you;" the heart warming stories of homeless people getting a good meal from good Samaritans who feel better when they help feed the homeless when in reality if they got to know them and found them a job or a help them on to their feet they would probably do quite well; the football season coming to a close, trying to figure out how your team can still get it on a wild card pick; the trash that fills your trash cans, the wrapping paper, the bows, the boxes, and the leftover turkey or ham, what a waste and a great way to fill our landfills (as if they do not need any more crap in them); the wonderfully funny but unfortunately, for your sake incriminating, pictures that turn up days later on someone's facebook page (how did those get there?); the feeling of eating too much and saying, "You know, I think I will quit smoking and join a gym for the new year." Sure, don't kid yourself, if you were going to join a gym you would have gotten off your ass and joined yesterday, you only say these things to make yourself feel better about having your third helping of ham and a 4th piece of that rum cake ala-mode.

mmmm the holiday's... days off work, sleeping in only to wake with a pounding headache from too much rum/cake, the sound of the same Christmas carol in every level of your house only to realize that it is on in your car while you drive away cursing; the wonderful excuse to purchase yourself that super-cool gadget you wanted, why, because it is up for super duper sale of the century during that 16 1/2 hour sale at Super Sale-Mart; the smiling faces that make this country everything that it is, everyone is so happy and willing to help you get into your car (only to take your parking space) or help you dig your car out of the snow and let you in during the traffic back up, just thinking about those smiling faces makes me smile and feel good about our society.

The Holidays are time to reflect and realize that while you have to go back to work soon, your congressman and senators have off till the end of January, almost like your college students. There is something special about the holiday season that just make me feel good to be an American and living in a great state of commerce and happy loving people in this country.
Too my three readers of this blog; Happy Holiday's, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Endings, Happy something or other, and have a great New Year and good luck with your resolutions.

Here's to the Holiday's.   Cheers!!!

6 Steps to a Sober Day

During this time of year many of us find ourselves at festival type functions to celebrate the holidays.  Most of these celebration have us enjoying a few alcoholic beverages.  After a few drinks and 20 minutes at this function, you realize that you would like to leave but your Aunt has not stopped talking about her new hobby of using her cricut to make crap for your family.  So you have another drink, and another, just to keep your sanity during magical time of year.   Now, how you get home is part of different diatribe, but hopefully you were responsible and had someone (that is sober) drive you home, like a taxi, or a sober parent, or your 16 year old daughter on her learners permit, or perhaps maybe, just maybe, you lived close enough you could walk.
Here is the crux of our holiday situation, you are having guests over the next day for brunch, or you have to drive 3 hours to see grandma, or maybe you have to be at a religious service at 8am.  How are you going to be sober and not hungover to participate in the following days activities??  The answer to that my friends is, my 6 Steps to a Sober Day.
These steps are not to be followed to the letter, nor do they need to be followed in the order presented.  But they all need to be completed to have a sober day and give yourself a fighting chance at finishing this holiday season with consuming as much booze as possible to continue blocking out how crazy your family really is.   You will have plenty of time during the year to think back and remember that your family was not that bad, until you come home for Thanksgiving and relive it all over again.

The 6 Steps are below
1  Water -- Stay hydrated.  Water is the key to any hangover cure.  Since your drink of choice is a natural dehydrator, you have to replenish the blood stream to keep you from getting a headache.  My professional advice is to drink a full glass of water before you go to bed and then continue to sip water all morning.  I also recommend you put a glass of water next to your bed to assist with step 2.

2  Advil -- this one is really not negotiable, you really need to take some advil.  The best way is when you wake up in the middle of the night to pee (we all do it after we drink to much, around 3 or 4 am you get up and have to pee) take the advil, then go pass out again.  When your alarm goes off and you reach for the snooze button you will realize that the advil had a chance to work.  Most people take the advil in the morning when they are already awake and they already have a headache, my early morning advil is a preemptive strike against the inevitable.  

3  Shower --showering is a beautiful thing, and we all now it.  The hot steam in your pores and heat make us all feel more alive.  Plus, showering might wash off the throw up that is stuck in your hair. 
4  Take a Shit -- Most of the time drinking too much beer will give you what scientist refer to as the beer shits.  Grab a newspaper or a magazine and have a seat on the porcelain throne.  You can't rush this process, let it happen, relax.  You will feel much better when you have completed it all.
5  Food --All that alcohol has been swashing around in your belly all night working to get into you blood stream by the morning it needs some help, have some breakfast.  Normally, a greasy breakfast sandwich from BK or McD is the best, they are loaded with grease, you get your major food groups in (egg group, bread group, breakfast meat group, cheese group, and potato group), and they are pretty convenient, the last thing you want to be doing at 8am after finishing off a 5th of Crown is cracking eggs and wielding a knife to cut your bagel. 
6    Coffee -- This is the cherry on top of your morning that will push you to the next level.  To quote Superbowl Champion and Hall of Fame coach, Mike Ditka; "Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions."  You will never get your day rolling or finished for that matter without getting some caffeine in your system.  Now, I will let you make the decision as to what type of drink you choose to inject yourself with this drug.  I am flexible, feel free to use a latte, or frozen type drink, perhaps you like Redbull or Monster, but for the old fashion traditional types will be having black coffee.

I provide you this insight as a service to all those that have failed year after year.  I find myself to be a self proclaimed professional and my mistakes of trial and error are you gain.  I hope you do not have to go through all the painful mornings and subsequent afternoons of headaches and people sounding really loud.  I urge you to share these steps with your friends, share your new knowledge, let them see the light (in a good way).

Cheers to you all, have  happy holiday and remember
"Beer before liquor, never been sicker"   
(These little rhymes are mostly wrong; I have proven and dis proven this a number of times).

Ahh, the Holiday's....

You have to love the holiday's, the cold air; the excitement of little children as they anticipate the coming of a large jolly man in a red suit to bring them toys even if they know they have been nothing but bad; the mall streaming with shoppers busily looking for gifts that will have no meaning to the person they are giving it too as long as they give them something; the traffic as it builds up and seems to stand still at every light around all the major traffic patterns even though most people have taken xmas eve off work; the way that you are force to go to family functions and pretend to enjoy people, even though you know full well you would strangle them all in their sleep if you had the chance; the excuse you have to drink more beer/whiskey/rum/wine/gin/etc.. then normal because "Hey, it is the holiday's, and it is a time to celebrate," God bless the time to celebrate; the sad lonely looking gray clouds as cover the sky as if to say "Losers, no snow for you;" the heart warming stories of homeless people getting a good meal from good Samaritans who feel better when they help feed the homeless when in reality if they got to know them and found them a job or a help them on to their feet they would probably do quite well; the football season coming to a close, trying to figure out how your team can still get it on a wild card pick; the trash that fills your trash cans, the wrapping paper, the bows, the boxes, and the leftover turkey or ham, what a waste and a great way to fill our landfills (as if they do not need any more crap in them); the wonderfully funny but unfortunately, for your sake incriminating, pictures that turn up days later on your cell phone (how did those get there?); the feeling of eating too much and saying, "You know, i think i will quit smoking and join a gym for the new year." Sure, don't kid yourself, if you were going to join a gym you would have gotten off your ass and joined yesterday, you only say these things to make yourself feel better about having your third helping of ham and a 4th piece of that rum cake a la mode.

mmmm the holiday's... days off work, sleeping in only to wake with a pounding headache from too much rum/cake, the sound of the same Christmas carol in every story you go into only to realize that it is on in your car when you drive way cursing; the wonderful excuse to purchase yourself that super-cool gadget you wanted why, because it is up for super duper sale of the century during that 16 1/2 hour sale at Wal-Mart; the smiling faces that make this country everything that it is, everyone is so happy and willing to help you get your car out of the snow and let you in during the traffic back up, just thinking about those smiling faces makes me smile and feel good about our society.

The Holidays are time to reflect and realize that while you have to go back to work soon, your congressman and senators have off till the end of January, almost like your college students. There is something special about the holiday season that just make me feel good to be an American and living in a great state of commerce and happy loving people in this country.
Too my one reader of this blog; Happy Holiday's, Merry Christmas, Happy something or other, and have a great new year and good luck with your resolutions.
Cheers (bottoms up).